For my application part of this project I wanted to focus on having more self-confidence. I first wanted to figure out what made me feel like I wasn't "good enough". This is the list I came up with along with why I felt this way and what I did to help me in those areas to help me gain more self-confidence.
1. I didn't feel like I was as healthy as I should be or wanted to be.
The problem: Every day I felt guilty for not exercising. When I did exercise I sometimes felt guilty that I wasn't exercising as much as I felt I should be even if I ran multiple miles. I also felt guilty for pretty much everything I ate. There always seemed to be a little voice in the back of my head saying "you could be eating something healthier" even if I was eating something that was healthy. I still have some extra weight from when I was pregnant with my son that I felt guilty for having not already lost. These thoughts would run through my mind all day making me feel like I was a failure when it comes to health.
The Solution: There were definitely some things that I could improve on. For one I signed up for a race which gave me pressure to start training. This will get me in shape and help me form the habit of exercising. The race is on July 23rd. I hope I will have developed the habit of exercise so I will continue to work out once the race is over. My plan is to run Monday through Saturday. I get Sundays off. I know from past experience that if I miss one day it will be easier for me to miss another day and then another and then another, so I am forming the habit to not miss any days unless I am sick or there is a really good reason why I can't run. That means some days I have to get up a little earlier to run or rearrange some of the other things I have planned for the day to make sure I get my run in. Having started this I have found that I feel better about myself. I have a goal (my race) that I am working towards which helps me not feel guilty about the amount I run. I am focused on my goal.
I am also trying to eat healthier and I am working on not feeling guilty about eating things. I am telling myself good job for everything healthy I eat instead of letting discouraging thoughts enter my mind.
As for the extra weight I have from my pregnancy, I am focused on the blessing of having a healthy and happy little boy. Having a little extra weight is worth having such a wonderful blessing. I can still try to loose that weight, but I am working on not stressing about it and focusing on my family instead.
2. I didn't feel like I had much worth.
The Problem: I didn't feel beautiful or good about myself. I felt like I did everything wrong. I often felt forgotten about or like I was the one people avoided. Deep down I knew this wasn't true, but that didn't mean I didn't feel it.
The Solution: This one I am still working on, but I am doing much better than I was. I wasn't sure how to fix this one. When I was in young womens each week we repeated "We are daughters of our Heavenly Father who loves us and we love Him. We will stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things and in all places as we strive to live the young womens values which are Faith, Divine nature, Individual Worth, Knowledge, Choice and Accountability, Good Works, Integrity, and Virtue. We believe as we come to accept and act upon these values we will be prepared to strengthen home and family, make and keep sacred covenants, and receive the ordinances of the temple." In this young womens theme I found the solution. To have more self-confidence I needed to draw closer to my Heavenly Father and my Savior. I decided to put the Lord first in all I do. I made scripture study and prayer more important in my life. Instead of reading my scripture off my phone real quick before bed I started reading my scriptures in the morning out of my actual scriptures....you know the big quad...with real pages. Yes, books still exist ;) I started keeping a scripture journal and having a pen with me as I read. I had a friend in my sophomore seminary class that said having a pen is like an antenna to the spirit. That has stuck with me. I have a pen with me as I study my scriptures. I have many insights as I read that I am able to wright down and remember later on. I have tried to have more meaningful prayers each morning and night. I try to make prayer one of the first things I do in the morning. That is sometimes hard with a baby, but I make sure I always say a prayer in the morning even if it is not the first thing I do. As I have done this I have felt closer to my Savior. I have felt His love as I have tried to focus on Him. I have also started to feel better about myself. I feel beautiful because I am a daughter of God. He created me. I am beautiful just the way I am. I know there are things I do wrong, but that is the point of life right? aren't we suppose to work on the our weaknesses? I have been focusing on all the things I am doing right which has helped me feel better about myself as well. I am aware of the things I am trying to be better at, but at the same time not loosing sight of who I am. Like I said at the beginning, this is something I am still working on, but as I have done these things I feel like I do have worth. I am a daughter of God and I am important to Him.
3. I felt like I was not good enough for anything.
The Problem: I was comparing myself to everyone else.
The Solution: I have been trying to decrease the time I spend on Facebook. People put their best moments on Facebook, so that is what I am comparing myself too. There are two things wrong with this. One, That isn't a fair comparison. Life is full of ups and downs for everyone. I can't compare my ups and downs with everyone's ups. Second I shouldn't be comparing in the first place. I should be happy for people when good things happen to them instead of feeling like I am not good enough. It is a selfish thought pattern that I am trying to change. By spending less time on social media I have been able to see more clearly how blessed I am and I have been able to feel like even though I am not perfect, I am good and getting better. I am good enough. I have been able to be happy for people rather than selfishly feeling like I can never be good enough. I have been able to work towards becoming less selfish. This has also helped me become happier.
The Problem: I was comparing myself to everyone else.
The Solution: I have been trying to decrease the time I spend on Facebook. People put their best moments on Facebook, so that is what I am comparing myself too. There are two things wrong with this. One, That isn't a fair comparison. Life is full of ups and downs for everyone. I can't compare my ups and downs with everyone's ups. Second I shouldn't be comparing in the first place. I should be happy for people when good things happen to them instead of feeling like I am not good enough. It is a selfish thought pattern that I am trying to change. By spending less time on social media I have been able to see more clearly how blessed I am and I have been able to feel like even though I am not perfect, I am good and getting better. I am good enough. I have been able to be happy for people rather than selfishly feeling like I can never be good enough. I have been able to work towards becoming less selfish. This has also helped me become happier.
4. I didn't feel like I was a good mom or wife.
The Problem: I always felt so guilty because I am not doing all the things I feel a good wife and mom should be doing. In my mind a good wife and mom has the house clean and nice all the time. She has dinner ready right as her husband is coming home from work. She is able to multitask. She is good at planning family activities and getting the family where they need to be early instead of late or just barely on time. She always knows what to say and when to say it. She has fun and creative ways to help the children learn and have fun at the same time. She has healthy snacks readily available as well as a little treat for after dinner. In all honesty I am not there yet and that makes me feel discouraged.
The Solution: I had to focus on my situation. I am not just a wife and a mother. I am also a full time student. I try to plan my day to get a lot of things done and some days it works while other days it doesn't. That is just life. I have decided to focus on my blessings during times when I feel discouraged. After I focus on the blessings I move forward and do all I can to be the best I can. I have tried to become better at planning. I have tried different methods of planning to find what is most effective. Generally I start the day by talking my way through my plan for the day out loud. I say what I want to get done and in the order I would like to get them done. Sometimes I write down my plan. Then at the end of the day I assess how my plan went. I focus on all the things I did and I try to see what I could have done differently. This helps me plan better for the next day. I also have come to realize that my image of a good wife and mother has a lot of things that are not really that important. They may be nice, but they are not essential. I need to spend my attention on what matters most which is my family. The house might not be perfectly clean every single day, but my family will be happy because I have taken the time to focus on them. Other days I may not have dinner ready until an hour after my husband comes home from work, but the house will be clean. What really matters is that I focus on my family. If they know I love them and If I do my very best to take care of them then I will be a good wife and mom. This realization has helped me relax and realize that while there is definitely room for improvement, I am not a failure.
Summary
Overall I felt this project has helped me realize that there will always be room for improvement and I need to know what to improve on, but focusing on just that will not make me happy. I need to realize that I am a daughter of God and that as I do His will I will be happy. I will be doing the best I can and He will help me become who He knows I can be and who He wants me to become. I can become more Christlike which is one of my main goals.
The Problem: I always felt so guilty because I am not doing all the things I feel a good wife and mom should be doing. In my mind a good wife and mom has the house clean and nice all the time. She has dinner ready right as her husband is coming home from work. She is able to multitask. She is good at planning family activities and getting the family where they need to be early instead of late or just barely on time. She always knows what to say and when to say it. She has fun and creative ways to help the children learn and have fun at the same time. She has healthy snacks readily available as well as a little treat for after dinner. In all honesty I am not there yet and that makes me feel discouraged.
The Solution: I had to focus on my situation. I am not just a wife and a mother. I am also a full time student. I try to plan my day to get a lot of things done and some days it works while other days it doesn't. That is just life. I have decided to focus on my blessings during times when I feel discouraged. After I focus on the blessings I move forward and do all I can to be the best I can. I have tried to become better at planning. I have tried different methods of planning to find what is most effective. Generally I start the day by talking my way through my plan for the day out loud. I say what I want to get done and in the order I would like to get them done. Sometimes I write down my plan. Then at the end of the day I assess how my plan went. I focus on all the things I did and I try to see what I could have done differently. This helps me plan better for the next day. I also have come to realize that my image of a good wife and mother has a lot of things that are not really that important. They may be nice, but they are not essential. I need to spend my attention on what matters most which is my family. The house might not be perfectly clean every single day, but my family will be happy because I have taken the time to focus on them. Other days I may not have dinner ready until an hour after my husband comes home from work, but the house will be clean. What really matters is that I focus on my family. If they know I love them and If I do my very best to take care of them then I will be a good wife and mom. This realization has helped me relax and realize that while there is definitely room for improvement, I am not a failure.
Summary
Overall I felt this project has helped me realize that there will always be room for improvement and I need to know what to improve on, but focusing on just that will not make me happy. I need to realize that I am a daughter of God and that as I do His will I will be happy. I will be doing the best I can and He will help me become who He knows I can be and who He wants me to become. I can become more Christlike which is one of my main goals.
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